His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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