I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am available for nakedness
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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