In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dick has a subreddit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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