She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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