Ambien. No doubt about it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
