What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
