Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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