If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I could fuck to npr.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Never underestimate the power of titties
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