sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
