p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
