I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
