Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
