Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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