You're so nebulous sometimes
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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