so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
