i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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