I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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