So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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