theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
