I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize