My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think your dad took our porno
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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