i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
