i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
