Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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