so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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