lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
