i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love having hate sex.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
