I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
