I hate your face
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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