Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
