I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
