did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
