things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
