Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
