Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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