Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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