There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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