I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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