so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
