I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize