How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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