If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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