So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
