I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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