we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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