you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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