he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
