would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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