You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You have to summon your inner elephant
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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