wrigley field is MILF paradise
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
