Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
