Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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