another moral hangover. fuck.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize