You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
