if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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