a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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