i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
