Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it because I queefed?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
