So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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