You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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