If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
