I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
