32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
