i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
