I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
