mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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