i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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