I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
