fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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