i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize