Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
