he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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