I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
