I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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