1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
