dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
