Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
