Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
