Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
