I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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