i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
