Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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