SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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